Death is what gives life its true meaning. When we experience a death to someone close to us, with true faith in God, we begin to understand Gods true meaning for ourselves. We begin to realize our own mortality. It is then that we look for God, asking God "Why? What is this life all about? What is my purpose?" When we trust and have faith in God, we realize that there is no death because death implies an end. For someone to believe this is the end they truly do not understand Gods subtle ways. When we trust in God we begin to see that it is only a transformation from the manifest back to the state that we were, the unmanifest. It is this true knowledge from God that helps us realize the importance and purpose of life.
Justice, Understanding and Peace
After the loss of two dear friends of mine, Mark and Linda, I found myself alone, the reality of my loss had finally hit me. I prayed this night for God to help me; I felt so much pain inside over there loss. The memories of how we found Linda was so strong of an image imprinted on my mind. I needed Gods help, and that night I broke down...I begged and pleaded with God, and with tears rolling from my eyes and drenching my pillow, I cried myself to sleep and that night I had the following dream.
In my dream that night I entered into a building. Inside the building there was a man lying on the floor in extreme pain. He was screaming and yelling, “Help me, take it away!” I looked at him and noticed a spot on his calf that was about the size of a silver dollar. There appeared to be some kind of a molten metal flowing around inside his flesh. I knelt down next to the man and asked him what I could do. He pleaded with me, “Take it away!” Then he let out an intense and ear shattering scream, and the wound quickly began to spread. With each scream it grew and soon it had engulfed his whole leg. As it grew it rapidly began to consume his entire body. I had to step back, and when I did, he burst into flames. A man with a fire extinguisher came running over and put out the fire. I just stood there, speechless, I was in shock wondering what had happened as I looked upon his charred remains. I looked up at these men standing around the body and asked, “Who is responsible for this?” I quickly became angry wanting to find who ever it was that was responsible. One of the men pointed to a door and told me, “He is out there.”
I ran to the door and it led to a narrow alley. In the alley there was a high lift platform and I heard someone on the roof. All I could hear was the movement, never any words. I began to scream at him and tried to climb up. I tried to get the lift down and tried to climb that too, but I was not successful. I spent what appeared to be hours trying to get to him until I woke up. I was exhausted.
The dream was so intense and so real that I began to write it down right away in the morning. As I wrote and reflected upon the dream, my dream unfolded itself for me. I quickly realized that the man on the floor was my heart. The wound in his calf was the wound on my heart from loosing Mark and Linda, two great and beautiful friends. In the same way that the wound soon consumed the man, the loss of my friends was also consuming me.
I wanted to find who was responsible for this, and like the anger in my dream, there was this part of me that was angry over the loss of my friends... I wanted justice, to hold someone accountable for what had happened. They both had died from chemically induced problems stemming from life long struggles. I realized what I wanted was Justice, Understanding and Peace.
As for Peace? The man who was on the ground was focusing on the pain, and so was I focusing on the pain of my heart. As long as I focused on the pain, it too would consume me. I realized that the only to find peace, peace of heart, would be by focusing on God and not the pain and loss consuming my heart.
The man on the roof represents the forces around me, that of evil or dark forces, desire. They are illusions in this life and many follow this path. With these as our enemies, there is no justice in this world. We can look for them, but where can we ever find them? When I tried to understand this I couldn't find any understanding at the time, and soon it was revealed to me in a dream that followed.
A couple of weeks had passed and I had a dream. I was concerned about many things and filled with anxiety about her former husband living back at Linda's apartment that she had passed away in. The whole situation confused me for two reasons. First, I was concerned about how Linda would feel about this. But secondly, I seemed to like this man so my feelings were very conflicting, so I pleaded once again for Gods help. That night, God granted me the greatest gift for that moment in my life.
I was a sleep and I woke up to answer the door. When I answered it to my surprise, it was Linda! I gave her a big hug, and she gave me even a bigger one in return. Her eyes glistened in the sunlight with the radiant blue color, and they twinkled with love. No words were spoken but words of Love came from her that I could hear, it is difficult to put into words. I remember telling her how much she was missed and how excited the girls were going to be to see her again. We got in my van and went over to her house where she was able to see her two daughters. They were shocked to see her and she gave both of them a huge hug. The kids were elated at the opportunity to see their mom again. Soon I was filled with anxiety about her former husband returning. She knew this and she felt this in me. She turned to me and looked into my eyes and without speaking, these words were given to me from her and she told me, “It’s ok, this is what was meant to be.” That is the last thing I remember, the beauty in her eyes and the peace she had found, and that everything is ok.
I realized that who am I to try to understand God? If something tragic happens, with faith in God, we know he will reveal his intent in time. I am only me, and there are so many, many more "me's" out there. How can I ever try to comprehend Gods will for everyone? Both Mark and Linda’s death has a reason and who it is to effect, and how, is yet to be seen. I know their deaths caused a radical change for myself. I now understand that I do not understand, and I can only accept Gods understanding and reasons are better than my own.
As time passed I reflected more upon this dream and realized that my loss of Mark and Linda will always be with me. I lost two dear friends, some people may loose an arm, others a lover, these losses are real and they will always be missed. Anything that brings deep emotional pain can remain an open wound. As long as our energy is focused on the pain, the wound will remain open and unhealed, and the pain will continue with no end. In time I have found that this was an opportunity for faith and growth that, if remaining focused on God, the wound would heal and God would reveal his intentions. God allowed the wound to heal into a scar on my heart, for they will always be missed. These scars on my heart are like the medals on the chest of a soldier. Each and every scar demonstrates my dedication, faith and devotion to God.
I have heard the saying, “Time heals,” but this is not true with death. Death is like a man who loses an arm. Although the arm is gone, it will always be missed. Time gives the man an opportunity to adapt for the loss, and time helps us adapt to the loss of someone we love. With true faith and belief in God we will find that time does not heal but actually reveille’s it’s true meaning. Like the man who looses an arm, in time he has a choice he can make. He can remain angry and bitter over his loss, or, with true faith, can step outside himself and help others who suffer from such unfortunate accidents as himself. This is the power God gives us with the freedom to choose. With death, the loss is permanent while we still live, in time we can adapt, and then we can heal and move on, but it takes time so we must be patient with ourselves, and above all things, have faith and trust in God.
